22 Comments
User's avatar
JAE Cole's avatar

Very atmospheric. The music really does complement everything perfectly!

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so much!! I love bringing the atmosphere to my writing. And yes, I always need music to write, so I love sharing it with the readers as well!!🖤

Thomas's avatar

The complex erotics of sickness comes through beautifully and you can hear the whispers of Carmilla between the lines of your story but yours is so much more painterly and vivid. I like the formula of "---- becomes her" with my all time favorite Eugene O'Neill writing "Mourning Becomes Electra" with the title in a constant dance with the homonyms "morning become electra" as if you are watching it burst into radiant splendor Electra / Electric and "becomes' in the sense of mourning transforming into electra or in your story consumption becoming your character. I want to read more. You pick such haunting and evocative titles and themes and it is tempting like a warm dark baptism we fear but crave. Nicely done.

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so much!! I am glad you saw the complex erotics of sickness in this because that was definitely my intention. I was particularly struck by how the Victorians romanticized tuberculosis, to the point that it became an ideal way of passing for them. The title’s double meaning was also intentional!!

I appreciate this thoughtful, analytic comment. It always make me so happy to see people interpreting my work!! And wow, describing my writing as a “a warm dark baptism we fear but crave”. I love that SO much!!😭🖤

Kalvin M. Madsen's avatar

formatting and prose choices here are top tier. you completely nailed the gothic undertones and made the whole scene feel incredibly immersive and tragic. really great work on this

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so much!! I am very glad you enjoyed the gothic vibes here and that it felt immersive as well as tragic!! I love Carmilla so much. I really enjoyed writing it to the challenge too. Thanks for reading🖤

Mina Howell's avatar

WOW I love how you've done this! The music is PERFECT with the story!

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you!! I’m so glad you enjoyed the music and the story!!🖤

Joshua Bader's avatar

Very Interview with a Vampire-esque. Well done. I might have liked just a little bit more at the end, some visual to part on, a glint of fang, so to say. But well done indeed and it makes me eager for your vampire Western. Tell me, does a consumptive vampire turned at such a progressed stage still cough in undeath?

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you!! And yeah, it was hard not to write prose around it or do more. I’m not sure how I could have added a hint of the feeding/turning through dialogue…also, to your question…I have no idea😅

She probably gets healed or something?

Elizabeth M's avatar

I read it on a little break from work and I'm glad I did. The characters felt elusive yet so present and real. A peek into a moment of time. Nicely done!

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you!! I’m so glad to hear they felt elusive and real at the same time!!🖤

Cat's avatar

Ooh loved this

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so so much!!😭🖤

Magnus Morvaine's avatar

Great Gothic tone. I enjoyed it

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so much!!🖤

Gregory Blair's avatar

I love this! Makes you think it's about a secret, sapphic attraction, then turns into something unexpectedly more!

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so very much!! I’m glad that it seems to have ended on a more intriguing note!! It was hard not to right prose around it though haha

eggsavior1001's avatar

This was great. Like a scene in a back story about an ancient vampire. I don't know if the music and rain was cheating...but boy did it work.

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so much!! Haha I’m glad the ambient music was immersive. I like to include what I write because I think it enhances the overall mood.

I always need ambient music to read and write to!!

Thanks again for reading!!🖤

Salt & Pomegranate's avatar

This is deliciously gothic.

Coral Evermore's avatar

Thank you so much, I certainly aim for deliciously gothic🩸🖤